Yeah so im really broad ive hurt my brain by learning stuff to so I decided to create a mrs gollum and so what she has 6 fingers on one hand - who cares I was gonna add even more sex apeal but hey I got broad.... Ive been learnin as i said html found a site ive learned all they'll teach me so yeah now i know a we bit at least any ways hunger calls .....
 

Just look at this way cute dog called "Jack". he comes from Fulda near Frankfurt and he is a Basset hound. Hes just made it in to the Guinness book of records for having the longest ears in the world - measuring 33.2 centimeters 

Ok so I havent writen any thing her today so I am - Idonno what im gonna write cos Im mad right now really angery actually Im kinda trying to steam it off in here on me own. Im mad about something thats stupid something im not gonna tell u about. someone has up set me by just giving me no thought at all someone I think a lot of- thinks nothing of me
So im sad wondering what I can do to change things, so im not smart or funny. I just try to be honest and I try to be fair. My friends are every thing too me thats why I let things like this get to me. I know I shouldnt, maybe I should start and lie to people maybe then theyd like me, may be then I might be remembered every now and then. Ok now im just sad again..... What do I do? how can I change this sorry excistance

So happy thoughts....... nah its not happening
Ok this is what im gonna do, im gonna start a new blog, and in stead of being true - i wont then maybe it wont hurt so much. Nah ive never been able to lie any ways of course they'll like me then cos it wont be me.
So how much more can I keep on changing for other people.
Any way its late now and I have to go sleep... so i can go to work and sit there wondering how to change and what crap to put on this sad little site

So here he is my giant Eeyore - yeah I knew u'd be jealous! 

Yeah so we went out last night,
We went to the thi in town - all u can eat on a monday night 10.50 each god and did we eat lol,
Of course as I was going out I decided I had to have some new bottoms, so we went in to town and got

• A new cream coat
• scarf
• gloves
• new top
• hand bag
• socks
• boots
• new ronan cd
• nail varnish
• hair a
• make up

Bottoms nah, what I went for? no way lol,

I also got a giant eeyore to which I shall add a pic of above, Ive been working hard as ever, been working with a bloke called fred, he is so depressing, yeah thats coming from me. I've decided id like to do a course at college in web design - learning html and all that as long as it dosnt clash with work. Kevs out of town 2morrow again all night so im not looking forward to that again. any way im going to play sims 2 now....

Yay Edinburgh

What to say what to say, Ok u should of thought of something by now! Hey ill set the scene, IM sitting here at my comp hair everywhere waiting to go asda later ERM and tonight the flicks, till then IM filling in time and IM so busy doing it. Kev keeps singing dodge Ziggy songs but he only knows like 1 sentence so that's the only one he sings back to back.

We've booked a hotel now in Edinburgh. ok 5 mins has past since I last wrote Edinburgh cos I was just showing off to kev that I know how to spell a big word! *cough*
So any ways Edinburgh, we are going there new years eve staying new years day, coming back the day after on the sunday. Its a big deal for us cos its kevs 30th birthday the week before -23rd dec (we going to see ronan keating lol) so the new year thingy is off kev, and its our hoilday as we didnt get one this year also. Should be really good, We always have to work new year and this year with how it falls we have it off! Wedont even usually get to see it in so this is gonna be so cool. The hotel looks really nice we paying far too much but hey its for my babes so it doesnt matter. Hopefully on new years day we will be going to edinburgh zoo to - thankfully they are open all year around so that'll be great I love the zoo.

So any ways im gonna go beat up kev some more now for singing so badly to cheesy music lol

we're both off

What an evening, Me and Kev started fighting over *ahem* his sister whom has been for the last few months been trying to destroy our lifes - really long story! but anyways seeing as its been six weeks around about since they last kicked off at my 21st birthday party I kinda wanted to know what was happening, we started fighting and kev said something that made me snap and I got up going that it im off, and he stood in the door and hes like ur going no where ull have to kill me first and all that, then he goes right then im going and im like no ull have to kill me first and we just heard or selfs and started laughing. nah we dont fall out much but when we do its in style lol. at one point I was like im off and hes like no im off and im like dont be stupid its your job/house and i goes no im going and he says im following u. its just so stupid.
But we made up not long after so alls good we celerbrated not spliting up with fish and chips and a movie.

LOL Not too much to complain about today. Got a cold started, really sore throat, headace hat kinda thing so works not been easy today. Its not gone to badly though. Tommy wasnt happy when I told him I might not be able to do the extra hours on monday if Im any worse though but I will have to be a lot worse if I dont do it cos they really need my help at the mo.
Im not sure what im gonna spend my wages on - its not a lot but I dont usually see any of the money I earn so anything is more than I usually have. I have to put the money to good use though other wises its wasted so im either gonna buy christmas decs or out it towards a fish tank or sidebroad. They are both a lot of money so ill have to hope the works stays on for the next few weeks then at least ill have a chuck towards it.
I just have to stop my self buying dvds and plants lol

Ronan Keating My idol - hero - shall I continue? Go surport Ronan at www.ronankeating.com

some of my old bz shine lol (pic from 98) 

The old bz days ( sorry for the un glam look lol) front Emma middle Sam right Laura - going to a boyzone concert 3-11-98 

I found Emma!!!!!!!!

Im soooo happy today, Today is a good day!
Its better than the lotto -
When I was 14 I had this great friend who to me was so cool, she took me to see boyzone for the first time and many more of their concerts too, we went "boyzone" hunting (shopping) almost every week we used to write to each other like 4 times a night ( on pen and paper) we where bezzie mates, but 5 years ago we completly lost touch.
Untill today! I d be looking for her for well since I lost her lol,
I found a site to find people I put her name in and bang there she was!
I had to pay a years membership (£8) to send her a message - I had too, In hope she'd still want to know me, That was a week ago - Today I got a letter though the door from her!
That is just magic to me it really is! She wanted to get back in touch too!
so now we've promised to keep in touch and we will.
This is just the best news to me it really is - true friends are very rare. Im gonna hold on too her this time lol.

:-)

feeling happier now kevs back Ive spent most of the night on line to Ro, hes made me laugh a lot as usual and teached me to swear in irish lol

I am so down right now, trying so much to snap out of hit, but SO not gone happen......IM sick of everything IM so ungrateful I know IM a crappy person. I've got music blurin out trying to drown my noise out. I should be so happy - threes no real reason for me to not be but yet IM sat here crying in the dark again. Someone tell me what I can do too please my own ungrateful self.
I've just been alone too long I think I should be used to that now but no I still self destructing.
God only knows why kev sticks around. Hes the only person who's done so. so yeah my mum and dad did but now hes left me too. mums got a new life - which she deserves. I just feel like a stalker or something always chancing "friends" lol that's a word u wont see much.
I feel like blowing my brains out, that would fit with my selfish personality. But where would that leave kev. hed hate me forever for doing that to him. I dont know how much harder I can keep trying. I think people think IM just a cold cow. And I guess I am,
I am to angry,
too bitter,
too lonely,
too un sociable ( hence web)
too selfish,
too fat,
too ugly,
too crappy to kev,
too much of a Ronan fan, (at least hes never let me down)

I just don't know what I want, I really don't.
I guess I want to be miss popula to be thin and pretty,
to make people laugh with me rather than at me,
I don't know why I've made this stupid page cos nobody who "knows me" will ever know about it.
and what does the rest of the world give a fuck?
No body wants to sit and here me bitch on and on. Anyway IM shutting up now cos IM stick of hearing my self.
Ok IM gonna go stare at ronan now and wonder why I couldn't of been Yvonne Keating instead - mind u, after a week id probley still wanna jump out of a window.

I still cant believe I made it this far looking back. There wasn't a day in my school years I didn't wish I was dead. God I wouldn't go back there to those years for ANYTHING so shouldn't I be happy its over?

Poor Damion died now 5 years ago last Feb IM now older than he ever got to be , he,d gone though all that in life for suicide? We,d grow up together I went out with his brother for 3 years as kids, we,d played and laughed for all those years then....Gone.
And for what mainly I guess cos of being regretted by his life long dream of being in the army. Its all he ever talked of. Them he got in the wrong crowd became a Goth, he believed hed be re born a vampire if he killed him self - so he did.
What a reason to go. Ill forever hear his cocky remarks and laugh.
After 5 years I got a email from his brother saying how things are good now that's hes got a girl and a couple of kids. Im so pleased he came out the other side. I have been so scared for him.
I found out my dad had 3 days to live the same day as I heard about damion. I saw nath out side the hospital one night and I thought god what do i say? He came up to me put his arms around me and squ me so tight we stood there like that for ages, then he goes gotta go babes.
please god keep him and his new family safe and happy.

around and around we go

Ok today's been a full of joy kinda day too, 1st the sexing was really bad, 2nd I trapped my hand then I got pined to a wall by a trolley ( a half ton one). Everybodys been in a bad mood today I am only working there in the afters to help out, but yet im on one they take it out on cos im the "bosses wife" like I married him because of that or something it sucks hes only been boss for 6weeks when i started seeing him he was a wash room worker nothing more so yeah they suck. IM home alone all night as kevs out of town on a works course. On the plus Julies back 2morrow though so that looks much better. I guess ill play sims2 tonight may one of my mates will come on line.
Ok heres another bad joke, here goes :-

what's green and red and goes around and around?

A frog in a liquidicer!

yuk that's sick!

Yeah so was my mum when she found the liquidicer!

my fave site at the moment is www.joecartoon.com

sick but funny

Please leave comments!

so today I've been working some more been board some more too,
got a really big day tomorrow, but if I can just get though that ill have Julie on Thursday - that'll be great, I love Julie sees fun, she makes 8 hours look like 8mins, so that's good.
I've seen a new side to kev this week, a more of a bitch LOL, nah hes cool but my boss LOL.
so yeah I've spent most the sav cleaning lavs out again and being a gen dog body, and to think if worked so hard to be where I am today, any ways enough bitching.
IM trying real hard for something nice to add .......

ok I know a joke here we go....

3 men die and go to heaven,

God says to the 3 men

"here in heaven

it is worked out by how many times u have cheated on ur wife's,

for what transport u shall receive

So the first of the men steps forward and god asks

"How many times have u cheated?"

the man replies " 3 times"

so God gives him an escort

The second man steps forward and God asks

"How many times have u cheated?"

"7 times " the second man replied

So God says "That isn't very good u only get a 3wheeler"

The third man steps forward and God asks him the same

" How many times have u cheated?"

"Never" the man replied

"U lieing bastard" God replied

"No" the man said "I've never cheated"

"Ok" said god "then u can have the rolls Royce"

The next day the man in the 3 wheeler saw the man in the rolls crying.

whets wrong he asked u got the rolls why are u crying?

The man in the rolls said

I've just seen my wife on a skate broad!

Yummy toilets

So today I've been work been padding trays *zzzzz* cleaning toilets yah ive reached new lows LOL,
found out one of my old Bessie mates is getting wed (see below) just enjoy it Claire and make yourself happy its your day!
The songs I cant stop listening to day it train- drops of Jupiter, ( god I love this song,) u2 with or with out me - where the streets have no name and erm .... The best of me by u guessed it Ronan K,
So sorry about Mad max Claire but we will always remember him :)

CONGRATULATIONS CLAIRE!

ON YOUR ENGAGEMENT,

Wishing you all the best chuck,

about time someone made you an honest woman!

so be happy and keep smiling!

along with all me collections, I also love animals - could never understand anyone who doesnt.
If I ever win the lotto ill buy a saffari park! ok so it would have to be a multi roll over week too... but I can dream cant I?

we saw the uks only white loins at the westmiddlands saf park 

Me feeding the gorgous graffes, 

this zebra bit my tit! 

this is buddie bill,
and here are a few other of our pets

Jabba - he keeps out living hes owners 

poor chinny died last year but here he is any way, we miss u loads mate!

This is my baby billy, 

Its been a bit of a sucky day today, you see this week was ment to be Ronan week lol, I am with out a doubt Ronan keating biggest fan. Ive been his fan since I was 11 ( sept 1994) ive been to lots of his concerts and of boyzones, I was going to two this week, But then Ro you had to change your dates, so now ive got to wait 3 more months to see you again, This is the closest ive ever been able to get (picture as shown) Ive tryed so hard to meet him! I once won a comp to speak to a member of boyzone ( back in 98) But i got Stephen Gately, Back then he was almost god to me, but there is no conprasion to him and ronan ! stephen asked me if I wanted to ask him anything, If only id asked for there autographs, but you must understand I was a rek! He asked me if I had a good day at school! - ok I was at school still but I was 15 he probley thought I was 4. I was completey jelly- god only knows what might of happened if it was Ronan, I would probley of died or something! lol

After trying for 4 and a half years Ive finally been put on the books for afternoon work, but even though this break though its only till there fully staffed, So the last few days ive been slogging all day, Im haveing spare time withdrawal! So Im gonna get sims 2 to celerbrate the coming of the weekend!

My 21st birthday presant which my hubby kev got me, we a supra addicts lol 

Kevs car So what its got lights and a sterio oh yeah and erm runs, But mine is still the best! 

argh! 

Ghostly happenings

Been a strange kinda day today, went to bed feeling kinda happy, I remember thinking yeah this is about as good as it gets,
Then today started erm.. about 4am I just woke up from this dream where my vains were bursting so this kinda put me in a bad mood I guess, I was laid there tryin to work out why I felt panicy when it hit me like a brick!What? I really dont know, it was so freaky, I figured it was probley just a ghost smacking me about so tryed to go back to sleep. I must of fell back to sleep, cos I woke back up again,With this, a man stood over me shaking me, shouting something I couldnt quite work out, Why did a ghost want me to go to work? lol

This is one of my fave pics and yes hes real! the old thing was poorly he had problem with his skin so they had to treat it right! -exept the cream is purple lol! purple cream + polar bear =

Had to add you Ro didnt I - other wise this site would no be ere!, ta very much for erm "letting" me nick your picture too! and for making me laugh as much as u do! lol Also go see Ronans page at : www.meandmymonkeys.blogspot.com/

our wedding day - been married 2 years over now, wasnt the easyest time of our lifes - in fact guests said it was a wedding from hell I quote, - ok so guess I better tell you what went wrong - well ok, Ill start with what didnt, we both turned up, so did the rev - kevs family, the limo, the photographer and yep thats about it,

My dad had been ill a long time so when we got engaged we decided we should go do it as soon as poss, but things arent always that easy we worked out the earlyest we could do it and set a date 6th july 02, and booked the church st wulframs its the church where every girl dreams of,

everything was going so well then 6 weeks before our bigday dad got so poorly we could no longer give him the care he needed so the doc took him in to hospital, he got gangreen in there and they had to remove his leg, the docs told us he wouldnt make it but, hey they said that 4 years before that, said hes heart was to weak this time. But he did it he came though we sat there all night till they made us leave.

after that he seemed better but it wasnt to last, he had got newmonia when he had the op, and a week later he died.

this was 4 weeks before our wedding day, 3 days before his birthday.

I was and I guess am deversated - hed always been my rock.

With my heart ace and all I just couldnt take my mums next stunt,

My mum is decabled as she is mentally ill, she seems very normal and all doesnt need a padded room or anything,

I really dont want to slag her down so theres a lot im gonna leave out, but the top and bottom or it is she has a very bad temper and has no line to draw when she wants to hurt you,

so we partly walked out got thowen out.

And because of this her - my family all turned against us, we were basicily left homeless only what we could thow in bin bags is what we had.

We where forced to go cruling to kevs mum and dad, That was the hardest thing ive ever had to explain. You see they believed I came from a good repectable family like them, Id keeped everything from them- forced poor kev to do the same.

But they took us in we both suffered nervous breakdowns though everything but we said all a long we must get married. we cant let them win. we tryed and tryed to make things right but there was no chance.Mum was squezzing every bit of pity out of it she could.the last thing she told me was that when she heard our wedding bells she would kill herself.

The next 4 weeks were 4 of the worst. but with lots of small rocks falling from the sky we made it. we found our first home together, a tiny little town house that felt safe.

THE BIG DAY,

Oh god and what a day!

I got my self ready. Had no idea at all of what to expect that day. My sister had fallen into mums trap and believed all her lies.

kevs mum came to pull up my zip, The limo arrived, I got in, ending up at church,

Kevs mum and dad were there, and julie( photos)

she said dont worry kevs here! well thank god right! we took photos I even began to get a little excited again, I went and stood by the glass doors like i was told, waiting for the rev to come get me like he said.......and i waited.......and i waited.......

I keeped see very worryed faces running pass the door, not anybody giving eye contact...julie keepet saying over and over again he is here he is I took pictures it was him!

Then the minister of the church came out - oh god this wasnt good.

he went over to a sign out side and hid it behind a wall, It said in big letters OPEN CHURCH!

the minister began to explain something all I heard was....

There has been a slite mistake in bookings.....blah.....blah....blah b u ll s h i t blah...blah .....followed by please come back at 2.3o - that was 6 hours away,

well yeah ok Ill pop back on the bus late mate!

I think he realised I was about to head butt him when he ran in side saying we will try, we will try.

then a few life times later the rev came out to me. he was very up set by it all and was wonderfull. he knew all about my mum and dad and had tryed so much to help. It wasnt even his church, but he was so sorry.

He explained that what had happened was someone had writen it down wrong in a diary!

which ment no paperwork ready, no organist, no choir, but by pure chance the bell ringwers where there as to practice.

An hour late almost for the cermony, we had 1 choir girl whom they had been able to drag in, a 15 year old school boy who God bless him! new one one piece of music, and I have to add tryed so hard but really couldnt of sounded much worse. We had a school teacher to play the himes (on a piano they draged over from the school next door)

The minister told me to come in, he made me feel like I was a little girl. He said now are we going to go though with this? I was trying not to cry, just trying to block it all out, But this i couldnt and my very words were......"I will as long as kev still wants to, but I dont want to see him!"

the next moment I know he stoud in front of me every body stood around us in a ring us in the middle them talking about what we should do.

this to me was it the staw that broke the camels back, Id been waiting so long to see his face when he saw me, id imaged that moment since I could walk and talk. I been to such huge lengths for it to all be a surprise. And now the moment had come and it was ruined.

I looked at the minister and said "I DIDNT WANT TO SEE HIM!" He turned to me and said you cant be childish about this, We cannot be running around passing messages on like children! that word again.

I looked at kev and said to him quitely "is nicky here?" nicky was my oldest neice she had txted me saying she would be there. but now even she wasnt there. some of kevs family sat on my side to make me feel better. kev and i was sent back to opposite sides of the church again.

the lad started to play his erm....you get the picture,

I put on a big flase smile which I wore for the rest of the day,

PEOPLE SAY KNOW I BET YOU LAUGH NOW DONT YOU!

The rest of the was kinda controled - cos we did it all our selfs!

things are sorted out now with my family we are all friends again. somethings cant be forgotten but I do love them all. And sometimes things have to get worse before they get better.

I know now that we did thye right thing by leaving that day. as hard as it was. Ive made mum face up to the way she is now and for a hole year she had been good. she knows now that im not bluffing when i say Ive taken all I can.

kev doesnt get a lot of time works long hours almost always 7day weeks. But when we get the time together its special, (inset) just one of his "little" things he does xxxxxx love you babes

This is my doggy husband kev at work - long time ago 

This is my doggy friend Claire lol 

This is my good friend Ali 

this is me lol! 

should of stayed in bed

OK Hi peps
today I went to work did my everyday things,
get up late - kev shaking me to get me up and to work,
Got to work realised I forgot my watch, now this is bad cos I wont know if Ive been there 10 mins or 4 hours,
I picked up me first bird to sex and silence,
We have a break down, Ok doesnt sound so bad, but I work on peace work, so I was pretty much sat there for the fun of it lol,
The carosel got fixed and we were off - my supervisers start checking the birds,
6 come out wrong - this isnt good, and some one has to take the blame,
you see all our birds go together there is no way of know who did what, so if your not in the in croud - its you, and guess whos not.....
The job is so bitch so I guess its made me a pro in that lol,

You see I spend my life stressed about who said what or who thinks what,
So I try and leave right, so then ok Ill have to work twice as hard for twice as many hours and all that, but at least Ill be able to stay in bed when im ill right, go on hoilday without being pulled in front of the boss when I get back - you see they want it to be me,
they want someone to blame,
where in reality its all of us day, dreaming, or previn on somebloke across the way,
people with babys up all night, or just not givin a shit....cos they know that they wont be the ones who get the blame.

so I could let them win I could leave, take the fall. Then in a week 2 even a month it will probley be good, but it cant be keeped up, so im working shifts again days and nights for what?
Just to not fit in again some place else. I guess thats my problem I always expect to be un liked,
cos if I had my time again (god that makes me sound old) - if I was like 4 again I really dont know what I could change.

Any ways thank god I have a husband to hide behind, everybody who knows kev loves kev,
everybody who spends like 5 mins with him will be friends for life, then they meet me and they just look at him like what really?

Ok so youve probley heard enoth of the self pitty crap! I know I am so lucky and take so much for granted.

so my day from work - well julie the gal who sits next to me spotted my socks in the changing rooms - you know how it is its so mind numbing that job its any little thing, the socks was the last ones in the draw I screamed I had to where them, she started to count the holes aloud- yeah really that bad, me trying to cover my feet you with the other made her then noice they said kevin on in big letters - oh god not even i knew it was those ones! arh
now im knowen as socks, lol

under constuction

hi I have no idea where this is going to end up
but if any one ever sees it then HI!

raed me!

Can you bleieve you can raed tihs!
I saw smthnoeig srtnage the ohter day in the peapr, Tehy calim taht it deosnt mttear waht odrer the mdidle lteters are in a wrod as lnog as the frsit and lsat lteters rmeian the smae you souhld be albe to raed it, as the barin olny sacns the frist and lsat lteters as you raed it deonst raelly mttaer waht geos on in the mddile - Tanhk God at lsat an ecxsue for my lcak of cons.........do do do do do do do do