I am so down right now, trying so much to snap out of hit, but SO not gone happen......IM sick of everything IM so ungrateful I know IM a crappy person. I've got music blurin out trying to drown my noise out. I should be so happy - threes no real reason for me to not be but yet IM sat here crying in the dark again. Someone tell me what I can do too please my own ungrateful self.
I've just been alone too long I think I should be used to that now but no I still self destructing.
God only knows why kev sticks around. Hes the only person who's done so. so yeah my mum and dad did but now hes left me too. mums got a new life - which she deserves. I just feel like a stalker or something always chancing "friends" lol that's a word u wont see much.
I feel like blowing my brains out, that would fit with my selfish personality. But where would that leave kev. hed hate me forever for doing that to him. I dont know how much harder I can keep trying. I think people think IM just a cold cow. And I guess I am,
I am to angry,
too bitter,
too lonely,
too un sociable ( hence web)
too selfish,
too fat,
too ugly,
too crappy to kev,
too much of a Ronan fan, (at least hes never let me down)

I just don't know what I want, I really don't.
I guess I want to be miss popula to be thin and pretty,
to make people laugh with me rather than at me,
I don't know why I've made this stupid page cos nobody who "knows me" will ever know about it.
and what does the rest of the world give a fuck?
No body wants to sit and here me bitch on and on. Anyway IM shutting up now cos IM stick of hearing my self.
Ok IM gonna go stare at ronan now and wonder why I couldn't of been Yvonne Keating instead - mind u, after a week id probley still wanna jump out of a window.

I still cant believe I made it this far looking back. There wasn't a day in my school years I didn't wish I was dead. God I wouldn't go back there to those years for ANYTHING so shouldn't I be happy its over?

Poor Damion died now 5 years ago last Feb IM now older than he ever got to be , he,d gone though all that in life for suicide? We,d grow up together I went out with his brother for 3 years as kids, we,d played and laughed for all those years then....Gone.
And for what mainly I guess cos of being regretted by his life long dream of being in the army. Its all he ever talked of. Them he got in the wrong crowd became a Goth, he believed hed be re born a vampire if he killed him self - so he did.
What a reason to go. Ill forever hear his cocky remarks and laugh.
After 5 years I got a email from his brother saying how things are good now that's hes got a girl and a couple of kids. Im so pleased he came out the other side. I have been so scared for him.
I found out my dad had 3 days to live the same day as I heard about damion. I saw nath out side the hospital one night and I thought god what do i say? He came up to me put his arms around me and squ me so tight we stood there like that for ages, then he goes gotta go babes.
please god keep him and his new family safe and happy.